The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
