the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
