so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
