Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
