The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
