is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
