i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
