Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
