I accidentally had phone sex last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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