My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
