So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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