I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
