Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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