you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
