i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize