I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Two words: nipple clamps
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