i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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