come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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