there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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