He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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