i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
