I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
