anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
