a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
