So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
