i think my tv is drunk
I just cut my nipple shaving
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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