im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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