It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
