Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
