I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
