The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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