I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
