i already hear my dad disowning me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
