in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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