counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
