Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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