he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
