Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
