How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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