I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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