AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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