Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
