Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
