She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
