i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
