im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
