so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
