Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
