I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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