I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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