They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
