Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
