Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
