it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
