Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
