whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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