Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
