Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
