Im at strip club and am horny
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
