The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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