did you get engaged???
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
