He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
