You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
