It's a beautiful day for a hangover
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
