the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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