Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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