He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You dont lie about slip and slides
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize