Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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