she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
